gracie_musica | Change for the World -- Discussions in the Dark

Entry tags:

Change for the World -- Discussions in the Dark

Title: Discussions in the Dark

dwtwprompts prompt: Young
Count the Ways prompt: Plants
Date Written: 7/1/08
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 997
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Spoilers: Torchwood Season 1 & 2, Doctor Who Season 03
Warnings: M-preg, angst, adult themes
Author's Notes: So, uh, yeah. Again. Set a few days after the last chapter, a week at most. Another a/n after the fic, too, please read it before posting.

Previous chapters found here.

"I was married once."

Ianto looked up at Jack, an arm around the immortal's waist. Jack was staring up at the ceiling of the TARDIS, his eyes back in the past.

"Her name was Lily," the Captain continued. "She was Torchwood." He ran the hand around Ianto's body up and down his spine as he remembered. "You would have liked her."

Ianto knew. He'd read the personnel files, seen the wedding photos and the marriage license. Seen her death certificate, signed by Jack himself. "What was she like?"

"Gentle." His hand flattened out along the small of Ianto's bare back, staying steady. "Caring. Kind." He grinned a little. "She thought she could change me, change the world, the universe." He finally turned to meet Ianto's eyes. "More Companion material, I'd say. You and the Doctor, you're both drawn to kind, more peaceful people."

Ianto chuckled softly, moving his hand over Jack's heart. "You're fighting to make and keep everything peaceful, that's why we all adore you. Sometimes you have to take up arms to make the universe a better place."

Jack grinned and leaned in to kiss Ianto's forehead before settling back against the pillows. "We had a son in our second year of marriage. Still newlyweds." He smiled, his eyes going back up to the ceiling. "He was so beautiful, just like his mother. My smile though, made the whole room light up when he laughed."

Ianto knew what was coming next. "What happened to them?"

"He was taken hostage by hostile aliens during a mission. Six years old." Jack shifted a little, pulling Ianto closer into him. "Lily killed herself three days after we buried him."

Ianto nodded, wrapping his arm tighter around Jack and tucking his head up underneath the immortal's chin. Lily and Edward Harkness, the only two people in the morgue who shared a crypt.

"We had a child then because she was mortal," Jack said after a few moments of silence, his voice shaky. "But neither of us had even stopped to consider the ramifications, our job. I mean, traveling with the Doctor is only marginally safer, and that's because we'll lock you in a room and never let you out again."

Ianto nodded. "I've been thinking about that too." He pulled back to look down at Jack. "That, our jobs, but also how long have we been together -- not even a year? I know no one's ever ready for a child, not really, but I don't think we are. Individually or as a couple. Babies can put a strain on the best of relationships. We're still getting to know each other, testing each other's boundaries. And I know that it's rather selfish on my part, but I want some time alone with just you. I do want a baby -- your baby -- but I don't know if now's the right time for either of us."

Jack nodded as well. "So it's decided then."

"Yeah." Ianto laid back down in the circle of Jack's arms. "Part of being a responsible parent is knowing when the right time to become one is."

Jack made a noise of agreement. "Didn't expect it to hurt so much."

"Neither did I," Ianto said softly, rubbing his shoulder.

The two of them laid together in silence before Jack broke the quiet again. "How are we going to do this? I mean, is there a procedure or something?"

Ianto kissed the underside of the immortal's jaw. "Do you know anything about the ancient Greek city of Cyrene?"

"A little," Jack admitted before grinning. "I was more a Roman era man myself."

The young Time Lord laughed. "Not surprising. Cyrene was well known for its export of Silphium. Silphium was so important that the ancient Egyptians actually had a glyph specific for the plant."

"What was it?"

"It was a contraceptive and an abortifacient, induced labor early to cause a miscarriage," Ianto explained. "It had other medical properties too, but those were the most widely associated with it. There used to be a plant on Gallifrey that was like a Silphium."

"Ianto, not to be rude but... Gallifrey's gone," Jack reminded his lover.

"The TARDIS has a greenhouse," Ianto replied. He grinned at Jack's shocked look. "I'm surprised you never found it. It has plant samples from planets the Doctor has visited, but most of them are plants from Gallifrey." The younger man ran a hand down Jack's chest and stomach. "I'll go fetch some when Great-grandfather goes to sleep."

"We'll go," Jack corrected. "We both decided. We're doing this together."

Ianto pulled back to look at him before giving a soft smile and nodding. "We'll go," he agreed.

-----

"Are you going to regret this?" Jack asked as he set the plate in front of Ianto.

The Doctor was asleep. He and Ianto had snuck past his bedroom and into the greenhouse with a sketchbook of the old Gallifreyan plants. Locating the plant had been surprisingly easy -- it apparently grew like a weed, springing up wherever it could. There was so much of it that the Doctor would never even miss it.

They'd decided to mix it in with food to go down easier, and had gone to the kitchen. Jack had cooked a simple pasta, while Ianto sat at the table. Neither of them had spoken until Jack broke the silence.

"Please, Ianto, don't do something you think is just what I want."

The younger man stared at the plate for a long minute. Here it was. D-day. Jack sat next to him, taking Ianto's left hand into his own.

"I do want to have our child," Ianto said finally, looking over at him. "But I can wait for what I want."

Jack squeezed his hand and leaned in to kiss him. There was still affection in the kiss, a hint of regret, but they'd be okay. "You'll have it one day. I promise."

Ianto smiled and reached for his fork.

-----

A/N 2.0: *sigh* Okay. Let me explain. No there is too much, let me sum up.

I realize I have probably pissed off most of you doing this fic. I realize that I have probably alienated over half of my reading audience by doing this fic. I realize that this is a hot-button topic, and I've opened myself up for a lot of grief by doing this fic.

I did NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN THIS WAY. Honest truth. I was going through my head at part three, thinking of names, of how many coin flips I'd have to do to figure out if they were getting a girl or a boy, researching names that were not Rose or John or Gareth, figuring out what trauma I'd have them go through, maybe make Ianto's c-section trigger a regeneration so Jack had to spend 48 hours with a newborn and a passed-out partner. And an overprotective Doctor. But the muses grabbed me and dragged me about the other way. Crazy non-beings, doing what they want!

I didn't write this as some sort of 'statement'. Yes, I'm not planning on any children of my own, but I'm not some militant going around giving forced abortions. I know a few of my readers have kids. It's a personal choice. Something right for one person isn't right for the person sitting next to you on the bus.

There's one more chapter after this. I promise to redeem myself, but if you stop reading I won't get mad. I was a little hesitant to post this, because I KNOW it's going to cause issues.

So let's have it. Honest opinion on a hot-button topic. One rule though -- no going after each other in the comments. I'm up for free game, but if somebody starts a flamewar on my LJ, I'm gonna be one unhappy authoress, and that means no more fic (for those of you who still want to read me, that is)! Keep an open mind, that's all I ask.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Brava. You have my respect for writing and posting this and not forcing it into something else. You have done a wonderful job of showing the thought processes of Jack and Ianto in this. It feels very real, very realistic and true to them given how unenthusiastic both of them have been towards the pregnancy. Their decision makes sense given where they are in their relationship and what they do day in and day out.

Cheers kiddo!

I like that they sat down and talked their way through this and made a decision together. If they aren't ready, they aren't ready and I'm glad you wrote it like you felt it needed to be written.
Can't wait for the next chapter...and any further fics that are percolating in that brain of yours!
*hugs*

Hi love! I feel like I got you into this and I hope you don't hate me for it.

I am probably going to be rubbish at saying what I am trying to but part of being writers is that we don't shy away from issues like this.

You are very brave to go with this. I've tried to fight the muses. You can, but you lose something in the process.

Despite the setting and the whole sci fi aspect, what you create here is very, very real. Its never an easy decision to have or not to have a child.

The one issue I have in the whole thing is this "There's one more chapter after this. I promise to redeem myself."

Honey, there is nothing to redeem. In the end, this series is about Jack and Ianto loving each other. Throughout this they are respectful of feelings and of each other. That's your story and you are telling it very, very well.

I like yours stories and I plan to keep reading it, but I have to confess that I couldn´t finished reading this one. I love mpreg and although I hate when the child dies in a fic or the pearson has a miscare I still read it to the end, but to have someone do an abortion I just can´t accept it.

I think you did a wonderful job on this, and although it is a sensitive issue, I think you presented it in a realistic way with both characters making a difficult decision. I have no kids, cannot have kids, but that doesn't mean I don't want to adopt some day. However, part of being a grown up, and as your Ianto said, part of being a parent, is knowing when the proper time for such a thing is right. Thank you for being brave enough to post this, and know that at least this reader will continue to look forward to whatever you come up with.

You have nothing to apologize for. It is very brave of you to take your story in this direction. Sometimes life hands you difficult things to deal with and it is perfectly all right for fiction to reflect that. Its not the usual mpreg happy ending with angst in between but I'm engrossed by the story none the less. Keep following your muse.

I've also remained child-free and happy with my choice. Luckily I've not had to deal with an unwanted pregnancy and I've reached that age were I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Edited 2008-07-03 03:34 (UTC)

I'm actually kinda glad you went this way. Not many authors have the...courage to have Jack and Ianto say no to this kind of accident. Ianto's right, though, they need more time to get to know each other. Bravo! You will definitely not be losing me as a reader, even if I don't comment very often. Bad Dani! ^__~

You did a good job in this story. You handled it right it was not a rash decision on either of their parts. Looking forward to the next part.

Oh and one more thing --> anyone who starts a flame war will answer to me too because a world without your fic would be a much darker place and we have enough darkness!

Thank you so very much for reviewing to this chapter. It's heartening to see how many of you pounced on it!

I'm not courageous, I'm just following the muses!

But thank you so much for reviewing for this one. It really took a load off my mind.

I'm not all that brave -- I was just scared that I'd lose readers over this! *chews on fingernails* I guess that says a lot about my self-esteem, doesn't it?

I'm child-free too, I know I don't have the temper to handle a kid. I barely have the temper for a dog. I guess I'm just so used to having people tell me I'm stupid or wrong for feeling the way I do: "You mean you like girls AND you don't want kids?!" That sort of stuff. *sweatdrop*

Good for you, for considering adoption if you end up wanting them. I encourage people who want -- and can afford -- children to have them, and those that don't want children to take the proper precautions. I'm sure if/when my two best friends have kids, I'm going to be so involved it'll drive their parents crazy!

This was a hard fic to write, actually, and even harder to decide to post but honestly, now I'm glad that I did. I have some of the best readers in the world!

That's fine. I understand completely, I'm the same way with anything non-con. Thank you for commenting, it really does mean a lot to get it.

You did very well with this issue and this chapter. The men sat down, discussed it rationally, and made a decision. They didn't just rush headlong into either decision. They examined both sides of the issue and made a very responsible decision.

Not an easy decision, but a responsible one.

I enjoy mpreg fics (which was a surprise to me at first, believe you me) and I love seeing Ianto and Jack interact with children. Sometimes, though, it seems written for the sheer novelty of having the characters be parents rather than having them make the conscious choice of having children after spending time developing their relationship.

Lord, I hope all that made sense...

Anyhow, TL,DR version: very well written, I love your fic, and please don't stop writing!

I'm not mad at you. The muses went their own way with it, and you had nothing to do with it. Besides, you weren't the only one siccing the m-preg bunny on me. And who knows, now that I've popped my m-preg cherry, I might do it again. *laughs*

*blush* I'm not brave, really You're all saying that, and I'm not buying it. I just have some of the best readers ever. I'm very cowardly, actually -- I almost didn't post this.

The beauty of scifi is that the human elements get to come through more strongly -- everything else is so out there and wild, there needs to be a stable baseline. Thus the incredibly human stories, even when we're writing about Weevils.

*blushes again* I know, I'm just... I've grown up where you're immediately blacklisted for being pro-choice, even that 'pro-choice' is "give the guy a condom for Pete's sake". Couple that with the fact that I'm childfree and bisexual, I tend to try to placate people as much as I can. And I was terrified to lose readers -- although from the looks of it, I don't need to worry about it! *hugs*

I hope your head's doing better. You've been posting more (three in one day, WTF MY BIRTHDAY CAME LATE THIS YEAR), but no sound and crying emoticons.

You tell 'em Teach!
I told Gracie that for me personally, I did a serious squick on this one fic (to put it lightly). But I finished it because she is such a powerful writer. And I'll continue to read her fics (and beta whenever she needs), regardless of the subject content. As long as she keeps writing!

I hate it when people go "Well, I'm doing it this way and if you don't like screw you". When it's something so life-changing as a baby, it's twice as maddening. Jack had half a hand in it, he got half a say. I think even in canon (where Jack would be the m-pregger, we speculate), Ianto and Jack respect each other enough to discuss something big and come to a decision together.

And percolating... that's a good word. *adds it to Words Gracie Needs To Use More list*

I love you too. *SQUISH*

... Two more days to Saturday!!!!

*hugs*

Ya know what sucks? It be weekend for me already... and it's only Wednesday. *pouts*
Where's that TARDIS when you need it?

It did, and thank you so very very much for reviewing to this chapter.

Yeah, me too! My ex-husband had the philosophy "It's my way or the highway" (notice I said EX). When I got pregnant soon after we got married, neither one of us were ready to be parents, but we went ahead and had the baby. I love my daughter dearly, but after going through a hellish pregnancy (I was throwing up on the way to the hospital for goodness sake!), severe post-partum depression, a suicide attempt and a bitter divorce...well, I applaud people that know they aren't ready and make the choice that is right for them.

You're all making me out to be some hero, and I just followed the muses!

I am so very glad that everyone thought I was realistic. That was one of my biggest fears with this one.

Ianto's truly afraid he screwed this one up, the one relationship he doesn't want to lose. I think that if Jack had asked him to throw himself into the void of space, he'd have done it. Luckily we have our responsible Jack.

And if Jack muse hadn't been with him every step of the way, I would have lost respect for him. They're both being very adult about it, and they're getting a cookie later.

Brava indeed! There has been quite the string of mpreg lately, and while I love it, it was refreshing to see another side. The discussions leading up were realistic, responsible and were treated with the gravitas the topic deserved.

I have to admit, I really expected a last minute "I cant do it" moment, and was pleasantly surprised there wasnt one.

I have adored everything you have written, and think you have earned your balls of steel for putting this out there. Well done, you!

In New Mexico?

Speaking of, I close again on Saturday. Totally won't blame you if you break down and watch it.

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Change for the World -- Discussions in the Dark

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