Change for the World -- Discussions in the Dark

[gracie_musica]

Title: Discussions in the Dark
dwtwprompts prompt: Young
Count the Ways prompt: Plants
Date Written: 7/1/08
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 997
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Spoilers: Torchwood Season 1 & 2, Doctor Who Season 03
Warnings: M-preg, angst, adult themes
Author's Notes: So, uh, yeah. Again. Set a few days after the last chapter, a week at most. Another a/n after the fic, too, please read it before posting.

Previous chapters found here.


"I was married once."

Ianto looked up at Jack, an arm around the immortal's waist. Jack was staring up at the ceiling of the TARDIS, his eyes back in the past.

"Her name was Lily," the Captain continued. "She was Torchwood." He ran the hand around Ianto's body up and down his spine as he remembered. "You would have liked her."

Ianto knew. He'd read the personnel files, seen the wedding photos and the marriage license. Seen her death certificate, signed by Jack himself. "What was she like?"

"Gentle." His hand flattened out along the small of Ianto's bare back, staying steady. "Caring. Kind." He grinned a little. "She thought she could change me, change the world, the universe." He finally turned to meet Ianto's eyes. "More Companion material, I'd say. You and the Doctor, you're both drawn to kind, more peaceful people."

Ianto chuckled softly, moving his hand over Jack's heart. "You're fighting to make and keep everything peaceful, that's why we all adore you. Sometimes you have to take up arms to make the universe a better place."

Jack grinned and leaned in to kiss Ianto's forehead before settling back against the pillows. "We had a son in our second year of marriage. Still newlyweds." He smiled, his eyes going back up to the ceiling. "He was so beautiful, just like his mother. My smile though, made the whole room light up when he laughed."

Ianto knew what was coming next. "What happened to them?"

"He was taken hostage by hostile aliens during a mission. Six years old." Jack shifted a little, pulling Ianto closer into him. "Lily killed herself three days after we buried him."

Ianto nodded, wrapping his arm tighter around Jack and tucking his head up underneath the immortal's chin. Lily and Edward Harkness, the only two people in the morgue who shared a crypt.

"We had a child then because she was mortal," Jack said after a few moments of silence, his voice shaky. "But neither of us had even stopped to consider the ramifications, our job. I mean, traveling with the Doctor is only marginally safer, and that's because we'll lock you in a room and never let you out again."

Ianto nodded. "I've been thinking about that too." He pulled back to look down at Jack. "That, our jobs, but also how long have we been together -- not even a year? I know no one's ever ready for a child, not really, but I don't think we are. Individually or as a couple. Babies can put a strain on the best of relationships. We're still getting to know each other, testing each other's boundaries. And I know that it's rather selfish on my part, but I want some time alone with just you. I do want a baby -- your baby -- but I don't know if now's the right time for either of us."

Jack nodded as well. "So it's decided then."

"Yeah." Ianto laid back down in the circle of Jack's arms. "Part of being a responsible parent is knowing when the right time to become one is."

Jack made a noise of agreement. "Didn't expect it to hurt so much."

"Neither did I," Ianto said softly, rubbing his shoulder.

The two of them laid together in silence before Jack broke the quiet again. "How are we going to do this? I mean, is there a procedure or something?"

Ianto kissed the underside of the immortal's jaw. "Do you know anything about the ancient Greek city of Cyrene?"

"A little," Jack admitted before grinning. "I was more a Roman era man myself."

The young Time Lord laughed. "Not surprising. Cyrene was well known for its export of Silphium. Silphium was so important that the ancient Egyptians actually had a glyph specific for the plant."

"What was it?"

"It was a contraceptive and an abortifacient, induced labor early to cause a miscarriage," Ianto explained. "It had other medical properties too, but those were the most widely associated with it. There used to be a plant on Gallifrey that was like a Silphium."

"Ianto, not to be rude but... Gallifrey's gone," Jack reminded his lover.

"The TARDIS has a greenhouse," Ianto replied. He grinned at Jack's shocked look. "I'm surprised you never found it. It has plant samples from planets the Doctor has visited, but most of them are plants from Gallifrey." The younger man ran a hand down Jack's chest and stomach. "I'll go fetch some when Great-grandfather goes to sleep."

"We'll go," Jack corrected. "We both decided. We're doing this together."

Ianto pulled back to look at him before giving a soft smile and nodding. "We'll go," he agreed.

-----

"Are you going to regret this?" Jack asked as he set the plate in front of Ianto.

The Doctor was asleep. He and Ianto had snuck past his bedroom and into the greenhouse with a sketchbook of the old Gallifreyan plants. Locating the plant had been surprisingly easy -- it apparently grew like a weed, springing up wherever it could. There was so much of it that the Doctor would never even miss it.

They'd decided to mix it in with food to go down easier, and had gone to the kitchen. Jack had cooked a simple pasta, while Ianto sat at the table. Neither of them had spoken until Jack broke the silence.

"Please, Ianto, don't do something you think is just what I want."

The younger man stared at the plate for a long minute. Here it was. D-day. Jack sat next to him, taking Ianto's left hand into his own.

"I do want to have our child," Ianto said finally, looking over at him. "But I can wait for what I want."

Jack squeezed his hand and leaned in to kiss him. There was still affection in the kiss, a hint of regret, but they'd be okay. "You'll have it one day. I promise."

Ianto smiled and reached for his fork.

-----

A/N 2.0: *sigh* Okay. Let me explain. No there is too much, let me sum up.

I realize I have probably pissed off most of you doing this fic. I realize that I have probably alienated over half of my reading audience by doing this fic. I realize that this is a hot-button topic, and I've opened myself up for a lot of grief by doing this fic.

I did NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN THIS WAY. Honest truth. I was going through my head at part three, thinking of names, of how many coin flips I'd have to do to figure out if they were getting a girl or a boy, researching names that were not Rose or John or Gareth, figuring out what trauma I'd have them go through, maybe make Ianto's c-section trigger a regeneration so Jack had to spend 48 hours with a newborn and a passed-out partner. And an overprotective Doctor. But the muses grabbed me and dragged me about the other way. Crazy non-beings, doing what they want!

I didn't write this as some sort of 'statement'. Yes, I'm not planning on any children of my own, but I'm not some militant going around giving forced abortions. I know a few of my readers have kids. It's a personal choice. Something right for one person isn't right for the person sitting next to you on the bus.

There's one more chapter after this. I promise to redeem myself, but if you stop reading I won't get mad. I was a little hesitant to post this, because I KNOW it's going to cause issues.

So let's have it. Honest opinion on a hot-button topic. One rule though -- no going after each other in the comments. I'm up for free game, but if somebody starts a flamewar on my LJ, I'm gonna be one unhappy authoress, and that means no more fic (for those of you who still want to read me, that is)! Keep an open mind, that's all I ask.

Comments

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

Hi love! I feel like I got you into this and I hope you don't hate me for it.

I am probably going to be rubbish at saying what I am trying to but part of being writers is that we don't shy away from issues like this.

You are very brave to go with this. I've tried to fight the muses. You can, but you lose something in the process.

Despite the setting and the whole sci fi aspect, what you create here is very, very real. Its never an easy decision to have or not to have a child.

The one issue I have in the whole thing is this "There's one more chapter after this. I promise to redeem myself."

Honey, there is nothing to redeem. In the end, this series is about Jack and Ianto loving each other. Throughout this they are respectful of feelings and of each other. That's your story and you are telling it very, very well.

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

Oh and one more thing --> anyone who starts a flame war will answer to me too because a world without your fic would be a much darker place and we have enough darkness!

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

I'm not mad at you. The muses went their own way with it, and you had nothing to do with it. Besides, you weren't the only one siccing the m-preg bunny on me. And who knows, now that I've popped my m-preg cherry, I might do it again. *laughs*

*blush* I'm not brave, really You're all saying that, and I'm not buying it. I just have some of the best readers ever. I'm very cowardly, actually -- I almost didn't post this.

The beauty of scifi is that the human elements get to come through more strongly -- everything else is so out there and wild, there needs to be a stable baseline. Thus the incredibly human stories, even when we're writing about Weevils.

*blushes again* I know, I'm just... I've grown up where you're immediately blacklisted for being pro-choice, even that 'pro-choice' is "give the guy a condom for Pete's sake". Couple that with the fact that I'm childfree and bisexual, I tend to try to placate people as much as I can. And I was terrified to lose readers -- although from the looks of it, I don't need to worry about it! *hugs*

I hope your head's doing better. You've been posting more (three in one day, WTF MY BIRTHDAY CAME LATE THIS YEAR), but no sound and crying emoticons.

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

Yea still noise sensitive (in a tourist town the week of July 4th with oh FIVE fireworks displays in the area). My neighbor is a firearms trainer and brought head phones home for me because the ear plugs won't do it. I see the doctor tomorrow (today ?? - slee patterns afflicted to), but I will be okay!

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

No how did I post that without finishing it. Ugh.

Try growing up in the Deep South as an independent woman (yea so my bumper sticker say "Eve was framed") and open view of sexuality. I get it.

Glad you are not mad at me :-)

And yes, you are brave. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Its being about to overcome the fear and take action - the almost does not count.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Born and raised in Louisiana, sweetheart. I feel your pain.

Still not brave. Think you're all loony, but glad you're all my loonies.

[katestamps.livejournal.com]

I grew up in redneck heaven. (And a college town to boot - ugly is a word.) So I relate to voicing an opinion and cringing. Stand proud - characters do what they must. *hugs*

[totally4ryo.livejournal.com]

You tell 'em Teach!
I told Gracie that for me personally, I did a serious squick on this one fic (to put it lightly). But I finished it because she is such a powerful writer. And I'll continue to read her fics (and beta whenever she needs), regardless of the subject content. As long as she keeps writing!

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

I love you too. *SQUISH*

... Two more days to Saturday!!!!

[totally4ryo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Ya know what sucks? It be weekend for me already... and it's only Wednesday. *pouts*
Where's that TARDIS when you need it?

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

In New Mexico?

Speaking of, I close again on Saturday. Totally won't blame you if you break down and watch it.

[katestamps.livejournal.com]

The TARDIS is in Barcelona.

Because when in doubt - go to Barcelona. :)

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

Exactly - she keeps writing and we keep reading. We don't have to aggree on some points. It would be boring if we did.