Torchwood -- Something for Nothing

[gracie_musica]

Title: Something for Nothing
Date Written: 11/29/08
Count the Ways prompt: Cute Aliens
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 803. Short & sweet.
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Team Torchwood, Gwen/Rhys
Spoilers: Season 02 up to Reset
Warnings: Character death, Gwen bashing.
Author's Notes: Written for the antigwenallies Christmas challenge, and for all my fellow anti!Gwenners. Thanks to katestamps for the beta. I know it seems like a little short scene from a longer fic, but I honestly can't bring myself to make it longer. Sorry.


Toshiko looked up when she heard the proximity alarm go off. Owen was still down in the autopsy bay with Gwen, so she rose to her feet and hurried over to the cog door.

Jack stepped through, his greatcoat drawn tight around him to fight off the cold Cardiff December upstairs. His hair was wet, so she guessed it had started snowing again, just a little off and on. He looked exhausted, completely and utterly worn down to his very ancient soul. He gave Toshiko a tiny smile when he caught sight of her. "Hey. Sorry to drag you in on Christmas Day."

She waved a hand, silently telling him that it was nothing, and waited until he'd taken off his coat and hung it up to step forward and hug him around the middle. His arms went around her as well, hugging her tight and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you," he said softly into her black hair.

The slight Japanese woman nodded before pulling back a little. "Where's Ianto?"

"Unloading our friend from the SUV," Jack replied. "We have no idea what the little blighter is, much less how to kill it." He rubbed her back a little, his arms still looped around her for comfort. "No idea what it's saying, some language that I haven't heard before. Can you get a translation system running?"

"I'll do what I can," Tosh told him before pulling back. "How's Rhys?"

Jack took a deep breath. "You saw him," he replied, as if it explained everything. It did. "Ianto and I cleaned up after you and Owen left. We just ended up Retconning him. He doesn't deserve to live with that sort of knowledge." He ran a distracted hand through his hair, showing just how tired he actually was; he was normally so vain.

Tosh opened her mouth to ask another question when a strange noise rang out from the direction of the garage. Ianto turned up -- wearing Jack's clothing, Toshiko noted absently -- holding an animal cage at arm's length. Inside was what looked like a rabid teddy bear, it's adorable features twisted grotesquely on the fluffy face as it clawed at the door with razor-sharp fingers. It babbled on in a high-pitched scratchy voice, the alien tongue

The Welshman raised a questioning eyebrow at Jack, who jerked his head towards the vaults. "There's a few cells empty," Jack said. "Tosh is going to run translation, see if we can't put a name to the species."

"Hope it freezes," Owen called out from his bay.

"Me too." Ianto glared at it through the bars of the carrier door, flinching when the alien snarled and lashed out at him. "Poor Rhys, didn't even make it to their first anniversary," he said, mostly to himself as he headed down to the vaults.

"What did you tell Rhys?" Tosh asked. "What memory of what happened to Gwen?"

"Gwen Elizabeth Cooper Williams died peacefully in her sleep," Jack said. "Undiagnosed heart condition."

"Better than what really happened," Owen said, finally climbing up the stairs to join Jack and Tosh. His face was pale too, and it was obvious the autopsy was affecting the medic. "Watching your wife get disemboweled by the teddy you got her for Christmas is a pretty big mind fuck."

"Can you have her ready by this afternoon?" Jack asked. "Ianto called that funeral director we've worked with before, the one that doesn't ask too many questions."

"Jack, I need a bloody strong drink," Owen replied. "I think you could at least wait until tomorrow. Maybe salvage what we can of this Christmas."

"That's the other thing," Ianto said as he appeared behind Jack, brushing his hands off on Jack's jeans. "Apparently, Rhys got it as a free promotion when he bought her real Christmas present. One of those 'free gift with purchase' deals."

"Meaning it's time once again for the annual Cardiff Christmas Invasion," Toshiko said with a resigned sigh.

"Only fair, the Doctor's covering London," Ianto deadpanned.

"And meaning that no one's going home until this is settled," Jack said. "Especially now that we're down a man."

"Which means I shouldn't be staying here patching up a body when there are more people dying out there," Owen protested. "I'll put her in cold storage for now."

"How many more are out there?" Toshiko wondered aloud.

"Hundreds, possibly thousands," Jack said. "Humans always want what they can't have -- immortality and something for nothing."

Tosh turned to look down at Owen moving Gwen's body, her torn PJs covered in sticky crimson blood from the deep gashes down her chest. "Poor Gwen."

"Grieve later," Jack told her, putting a hand on her shoulder. His voice was emotionless. She wasn't sure that was a good thing. "Work to do."

Comments

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

I can't decide whether I'm disturbed that I find this amusing or amused that I don't find it disturbing . . . murderous free teddy bears . . . only you Gracie. Only you.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

You love it and you know it. Here's what I'm thinking: Rhys wouldn't get his wife a teddy bear just for Christmas, so it had to be a special or something.

Also, best way to get rid of crap, give it away to people as a promo.

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

Okay I clearly need to go to bed .. . I read that last line as give it away to people as porno.

I think what made this so amusing for me is that my sister demands a teddy bear every year for Christmas (we don't get a wish list - its a demand list). She's 35. It was cute until she was about 30 . . .

And you are right - I do love it.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*LAUGHS* Now that is one hell of a promotion: "Buy this diamond necklace for your wife, and take home a free Playboy for you!"

So... When she hugs her bear this year, try not to laugh hysterically when you imagine it killing her horribly. Or cry, I dunno how much you like her.

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

Not enough not to laugh like a loon for a bit . . . :-) She would make a great auxillary character in your wedding novel.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

You'll have to tell stories sometime.

[bookwrm89.livejournal.com]

*snorts* Poor Rhys. Is it wrong that I feel bad for the toll it took on the team, but not that she's dead?

Killer teddy bears...omg

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Nope. I've felt that way about people I know dying.

[psykaos42.livejournal.com]

Killer Alien Teddy Bears...

I'm surprised they haven't done an episode with that before. London gets invaded every Christmas, why not Cardiff?

Unlike Teach, I feel vaguely guilty that I feel worse for Rhys than Gwen being dead. Not that I ever really liked her, though she got more tolerable during Season Two, especially after 'Adrift,' when she finally twigged to the fact that there are some problems that just CAN'T be magically solved.

Still, being gutted by an alien teddy is such a messy way to go...

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Sometimes I think that all aliens have a map of Earth with a big target over London that says "ATTACK DEC. 25, SOL 3 TIME".

I agree, she got more bearable in 02, but I do feel sorry for Rhys, watching his wife go that way. That's why Jack retconned him, gave him a memory of her going peacefully.

[rhianona]

I almost feel bad for Gwen. Poor Rhys...

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

You almost feel bad for Gwen... Almost being the operative word?

[rhianona]

*blinks* But of course! ;)

[thrace-adams.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with Teach...should I be disturbed that I liked this? Bad teddies....oh man...poor Rhys.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I'm glad that you liked it, even if it disturbed you a little bit.

[pinkfairy727.livejournal.com]

...That's just a little bit twisted and disturbing. It's good though.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I do twisted and disturbing just rarely enough to throw you people off.

[forrent.livejournal.com]

This was surprise heart break, when I saw 'cute aliens' was the prompt I really didn't expect this. Very well done.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Thank you! The prompt was a bit of a misdirect, you're right, but it fit... it was cute until it started going mad.

[shiny-starlight.livejournal.com]

Is it wrong that I started sniggering at the idea of Gwen being disemboweled by a teddy bear?

It's probably wrong.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Nah. It's a funny concept.

[luvinthe88and20.livejournal.com]

Great story.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[etmuse.livejournal.com]

Ok, this story seriously reminded me of a fic I wrote years ago where someone was dreaming of a teddy bear running around stabbing people with something pink (can't remember what it was)

Poor Rhys...

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*LAUGHS* A friend of mine in HS had a story idea where talking teddy bears were created by an evil genius and gave children subliminal messages to kill their parents in their sleep.

[fake-is-love.livejournal.com]

Is it wrong that I saw a pink teddy bear? And I giggle when Ianto brought it in but I am not that sad that gwen is dead? And I think it was cute the teddy bear I need to go to the mall now to see if that have that one teddy I saw with blood on its fake claws.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*LAUGHS* Nope, go ahead. I saw a little cute brown one, personally.

[fake-is-love.livejournal.com]

Today while being drag around a place was giving away free teddy bears and the first thought that popped in my mind is this story....my mother wanted to get one and i was like make sure its dead....all I got was a WTF look. So thank you for this great story once again and the funny look that made my day.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*LAUGHS* Oh God, that's fantastic. I so need to take a picture of me holding a bear and turn it into a userpic.

[fake-is-love.livejournal.com]

Yes. It would be epic. *laughs* It was the best day ever for the christmas season so far.

[gingerlr.livejournal.com]

'So Rhys, how did Christmas go?'

'Hey Banana Boat. Well that teddy bear that you thought was a killer idea as a present for Gwen. You were right! It was a killer idea.'

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*LAUGHS* Oh my God, perfect!

[cjharknessgirl.livejournal.com]

Alien killer teddy bears. *sniggers* What a way to go.

I'm not really too disturbed that I found it amusing and I think you and I have the same sense of humor. ;) I do feel bad for the team and Rhys though.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I think it's funny as hell. *grins* I just like the idea of her pulling it out and going, "Aw, I love it..." And the toy goes mad.

[missthingsplace.livejournal.com]

Oh that was just brilliant ... murderous alien teddy bears ... inspired!

(must get my daughter to read this, she will love!)

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! And I do hope your daughter enjoyed it, too.

[reddevilpoes.livejournal.com]

I always had this idea that Teddy-bears were dangerous...You've just proven me right (or is it proved..gosh I hate it when this happens..English not being my own language)
Poor Rhys, whatever way he believes his wife died...she's dead....and I feel sorry for him. I quite like the guy!

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

(It's proved. You're ESL? Wow, I never would have guessed!)

I rather like Rhys too. He's often too good for her, IMO.

[reddevilpoes.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Dutch born and bred..but with a seven year headstart for having had an English BF And a knack for languages..I speak Dutch (haha), German, English and quite a bit French. A smidgeon Polish and a couple of phrases Italian... Almost everything I read is in English, BBCfour is my favourite radiostation and I love tv shows like Mock the week, QI, Have I got news for you, Would i lie to you? And The weakest link...
"say no more..."