Slipping Through -- Perfection Is Overrated (Part 1)

[gracie_musica]

Book cover by et_muse.


Title: Slipping Through
Chapter Twenty-Four: Perfection Is Overrated (Part 1)
Date Written: 2/16/09
Rating: PG/K+
Word Count: 1,904
Fandom: Torchwood/FAKE
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Ryo/Dee, Gwen, Tosh, Owen
Spoilers: Up through Torchwood 02 and FAKE Like, Like, Love and Almost Perfect
Warnings: Gender bending. Muahaha.
Author's Notes: Much thanks to my beta, muse, and all around idea bouncing board, totally4ryo! Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to doing this... I got distracted by DKoM and redismycolour But here we are, back to our regularly scheduled insanity!


Slipping Through master list found here.


Ryo and Dee held hands as they walked towards the Information Booth, a box of pastries in Ryo's other hand. Jack had called them about an hour before, sounding amused and asked in that oh-so-casual way if they could possibly come in today.

They'd nearly run out of their apartment to get to the Hub.

The bell over the door to the Information Booth chimed when they swung it open. They caught the image of someone in a dark suit stooped down behind the counter. Dee took a deep breath. "Good morning, Ian -- "

The figure behind the desk straightened, revealing a very tall, very beautiful, very female person. She had long dark hair and expressive blue eyes... and a pair of tits that would make Diana jealous. She was also wearing one of Ianto's suits, looking awkward and childish in the oversized clothing.

"... to?" Dee finished, blinking.

Ianto threw his -- her? His? -- hands up in the air. "At least you two recognize me."

Ryo and Dee stared long and hard at Ianto, eyes so wide that the whites could be seen all around their irises. The other folded his -- her -- his arms under his -- her? -- breasts. "If you knew about this, I will be forced to shoot you."

Ryo let out a snort of laughter. That set Dee off, and pretty soon both New Yorkers were on the floor laughing, clinging to each other.

Ianto sighed again. Better and better.

-----

"So there I am, waiting on the docks for Ianto and this beautiful woman comes up to me."

Ryo and Dee shared a look before watching their now-female coworker dole out the coffee. They had to hand it to him -- he didn't even break a sweat as Jack continued his narrative.

"She swears up and down that she's Ianto, but there's absolutely no way I would be able to tell who he is. Different DNA, fingerprints, the works. So what does he do?" A decidedly sappy grin crossed Jack's face. "He kisses me. And I know instantly!"

"That is the single most disgusting thing I've heard all day," Owen said from his chair.

"Could have had him make you a cup of coffee," Dee pointed out, taking a pointed sip from his mug. "Nobody else can make it like this."

"Thank you Dee," Ianto said as he settled into his chair across from them. He was pulling at his cuffs nervously, obviously uncomfortable in his own skin.

"We missed what's been going on," Ryo said. "What was Ianto doing on a ferry to Ireland for a weekend?"

"We were both supposed to be on it," Jack admitted. "I was going to meet him, but I missed the boat."

"Story of your life," Owen grumbled again.

The quip hit a bit deeper than Owen had meant from the expression that flickered across Jack's face, and Dee leaned over Ryo to look at Owen. "Oi, Deady. Stop being a bitch for three seconds, okay?"

"Children," Ryo warned. "What's so important about the ferry?"

"It's sort of an underground-type thing," Ianto explained. "Some medical online support groups from the area have been talking about the ferry ride, that there was... a special service offered."

"Let me guess," Dee interrupted. "A remedy to cure all ills?"

"I don't quite understand why we have to stop it," Owen piped in. "I mean, a cure for cancer? Alzheimer? AIDS?"

"I do have to agree with Owen on this one, Jack," Gwen added.

Tosh nodded in agreement. "Think of how much suffering something like that could end."

Jack rubbed his face. "We've been over this, guys."

"We have to figure out those answers ourselves," Ryo said, almost quietly. "If we cheat on this one, the next disease to come along could wipe us off the planet because we won't know how to combat it."

Six pairs of eyes turned to look at the half-Japanese man in amazement. He shrugged. "Sometimes you have to suffer for great things to happen."

Dee reached over and squeezed Ryo's knee under the table.

"Anyway," Jack said, taking control of the conversation. "Ianto's memory's been erased from about an hour after he boarded to stumbling off the boat."

"Is there anything we can give him?" Toshiko asked, looking down at Owen and back again. "I mean, would a mind probe work on him like we tried with Beth?"

"Any method of memory recovery would be iffy," Owen said. "There is a sort of anti-Retcon that Jack made up, but there's a chance that Ianto could remember everything."

"Fun," Ryo deadpanned. "Are you going to do it?"

"What other option do I have?" Ianto replied, shrugging.

"You could say no," Gwen told him. "None of us would blame you."

Ianto took a deep breath. "Again, no other option."

"It's in my office, I'll get it to you after the meeting," Jack told him.

"Right, that's settled." Dee cupped his coffee mug in his hands. "What next?"

"I was thinking we could split off," Jack said. "Ianto is going to be needing a new wardrobe, and you two rotate in to replace him until he gets back on his feet. So to speak."

The two girls sat up straighter, eyes hopeful.

"I can go shopping with him," Ryo volunteered.

Toshiko gave a full-out pout. Gwen crossed her arms. "Yeah? And what do you know about women's clothing?"

"My mother's family owned one of the few textile mills to survive the War," Ryo said. "My grandmother was the head seamstress until she retired. And my mother and my aunt and Carol have dragged me to enough stores in my life that I think I can handle it."

"Right then." Jack put his hands flat on the table. "Ryo and Ianto will go shopping on Torchwood, and the rest of us will figure out how to fix this. Dee can fill Ryo in on what our plan is when he goes home tonight."

Everyone nodded and Jack left with Ryo and Ianto to give the young Welshman the anti-Retcon and the Torchwood credit card. When the doors slid shut behind them, Dee let out a long sigh.

"Who's glad that he didn't turn up in some of Lisa's old clothes?" he asked aloud. "Because that would just be creepy."

-----

Ladies' Apparel.

Words that instill fear into the most hardened of men. A sea of short skirts and plunging necklines, lacy knickers and high heels and make-up counters.

Ianto had no idea where to start.

Ryo put an arm around his now-slim shoulders. "Take a breath, Ianto," he murmured kindly in his ear.

Ianto did, generous chest rising and falling.

"Now take another."

Ianto did it again.

"There." Ryo patted his shoulder. "Not so bad now, is it?"

"Easy for you to say," Ianto replied. "I only know three womens' styles; my mother's, my sister's in secondary, and Lisa. Neither floral prints nor short skirts really appeal."

Ryo laughed. "Try shopping with Carol after being dragged to the best places in the world by the women in my family. She's really more Queens than Manhattan. More fun to shop with, though."

"So how is this going to translate into what I'm bringing back?"

The half-Japanese man winked at him. "Just follow my lead," he said, reaching down to take Ianto's hand.

Ianto didn't know if it was the new hormones or the floundering fragility of being something he *wasn't* that made Ryo's grasp so... Reassuring. Ryo's hands were a bit like Jack's in a way, comforting and steady and warm as he slid those gun-calloused fingers through Ianto's now-slim ones.

Ianto could see why the Laytner-MacLeans held hands often.

Ryo had located a shopgirl and was making a beeline to her. She had an air of classy experience around her, and she smiled as they approached her. "May I help you?"

"Yes, I'm afraid we need a bit of help," Ryo said and it sounded *so unlike* him that Ianto had to look at him again. The detective seemed to be standing even straighter than normal, a mask of calculated indifference on his face. The aura he was giving off was one Ianto recognized from his time in his father's shop: I have money and lots of it.

The shopgirl picked up on it too, if her smile was any indication.

"My girlfriend here, her house burnt down last night. Poor lamb lost everything. Including all of her clothes. I was hoping you could take care of her, give her the works, yeah?"

"Ryo," Ianto protested. "You can't, this place is far too expensive --"

"You see how sweet she is?" Ryo pulled Ianto into a hug. "My little Welsh angel, worried about me when she's devastated!"

"I know the type," the shopgirl said. Ianto could already see her spending her commission in her head.

"Now, she'll take great care of you," Ryo was saying. "Just tell her what you like and she'll pick out some fantastic things."

"I am not a child, stop talking like that," Ianto snapped.

Ryo ignored him and turned to the shopgirl. "Outfits for... A week, I think," he said with an air of expertise. "From underwear on up. Something lacy, maybe? A guy can dream."

"I'm poisoning your coffee when we get home," Ianto promised as the shopgirl led him back to a dressing room.

"Don't forget to replace the red negligee you look so good in!" Ryo called after them, completely unfazed by the threat.

The shopgirl looked over at him and grinned and Ianto felt himself color slightly. "Yankee bastard," he said fondly.

-----

Everyone stopped what they were doing when the proximity alarm went off, signaling Ryo and Ianto's return from their shopping expedition. Even Jack and Dee came out from Jack's office to see what was going on.

Ianto stepped into the Hub proper behind Ryo, and Jack thought that even time stopped for a moment.

He -- she -- he (God damn, Jack hated pronouns in these cases) was in clothing very similar to what Ianto normally wore, a sharp, couldn't-be-tailored-in-the-time-they'd-been-gone business suit. The jacket was off and he was carrying it over one arm, the long-sleeve oxford shirt tucked into his pants. However, instead of the usual tie, Ianto had left the top three buttons open on his shirt. It revealed a generous amount of cleavage, and when combined with the clingy pants, the now-female Ianto Jones painted an absolutely gorgeous picture.

"I'll... Uh, I'll go make some coffee then," Ianto volunteered after a long, uncomfortable moment of silence passed. When no one made any sound, he walked over towards the coffee machine.

"I hate for him to leave but oh, to watch him go!" Dee muttered appreciatively. Jack had to grin at the New Yorker's reaction: Ianto in his normal state tended to have that effect on people.

"So I do good work, yeah?" Ryo teased as he walked up to his husband and Captain.

"Yeah," the two men intoned.

Ryo grinned. "If I could get you to sign off on these?" he asked, innocent as sin, holding out a stack of receipts and a completed write-off sheet.

Jack pulled a pen out and signed the approval sheet without even looking.

Ryo's grin widened. He needed to get Ianto to work his womanly wiles on their Captain for as long as they could get it.

Comments

[isarae.livejournal.com]

*claps hands* Yay! Almost Perfect!! Ah..that book had me grinning like mad..and this has too! :D

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Almost Perfect was like one big fanfic. Gave me hope, it did.

Thanks for reading, sweetheart.

[bookwrm89.livejournal.com]

I loved this! Ryo and Ianto at the store cracked me up.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Thank you sweetheart!

[ladyofcastillo.livejournal.com]

All I can say is YAY loved it!!! It was better than I imagined :).

Adored the red negligee crack, had me laughing like a loon.

You defiantly made a shitty evening much better.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm glad that I could make your evening a bit better, sweetheart.

[ldycat1170.livejournal.com]

I am interested in what kind of womanly wiles Ianto will work.
Love the Ryo/Ianto shopping. Much better than Gwen and Ianto in the book.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Oh dear me, I don't know. Probably just tight clothes and hypno-boobies.

In the book, Gwen and Ianto were stressed for time. If they'd had, say, a day, I think it wouldn't have been that bad. Although the revelation that Ianto was wearing his dead girlfriend's clothing made it awkward as HELL.

[ldycat1170.livejournal.com]

I love that you had Dee touch on that. very good point. It was kinda creepy and off putting now that you mention it.

[teachwriteslash.livejournal.com]

Oh I love that ... both Dee and Jack are such leches.

But this "Oi, Deady. Stop being a bitch for three seconds, okay?"

Made of win ....

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

*laughs* They're Dee and Jack. Of course they're letches!

Owen muse was being a BITCH when I started writing this. Theory is that by the time Ryo and Dee got there, he'd been told off by everybody for giving Ianto hell for being female so he was pissy. Also, he didn't really mean to hurt Jack like that, it just... came out.

[etmuse.livejournal.com]

Oh this is just brilliant - and Ryo going shopping with Ianto is soooo much better than Gwen.

*wonders what Ryo managed to slip onto that sign-off sheet...*

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Ryo muse says... A week's worth of clothing plus a suit that's being tailored for our favorite now-female Welshman, and a really nice lunch. With a fair bit of wine.

Ryo figured Ianto needed to be pampered just a little.

[katestamps.livejournal.com]

Having some idea how much good women's clothing costs, poor Jack's gonna be eating pot noodles for a LOOOOONG time to pay that bill.

Worth. Every. Penny. (Though he totally should be a redhead.)

Let's hope this Ianto lets Jack see the other things they bought. *giggles*

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

And they went somewhere classy. And Tosh and Gwen are going to have a catfight over who gets whatwhenif Ianto gets back to normal. *laughs*

[katestamps.livejournal.com]

Oooooh...Jack'll sell tickets to the CCTV feed and make his money back. *laughs*

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Dee will referee. And Ianto and Ryo will shake their heads and try to take over the world.

[katestamps.livejournal.com]

And Ianto and Ryo will shake their heads and try to take over the world.
Well of course they will. Third Thursday of the month - that's the day they've set aside for such things.

One must be orderly about such things.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

I swear, the more I write this, the more convinced I am that it should be Ryo/Ianto and Dee/Jack. Although Dee and Jack will probably end up killing each other. Repeatedly. Hotheads thrown in together usually do.

[totally4ryo.livejournal.com]

Problem is that while Dee can kill Jack repeatedly, Jack would have only one good kill on Dee. Where's the fun with that?

[gingerlr.livejournal.com]

Mmm, female Ianto. In clingy clothes...

uh, sorry. Was I saying something?

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

I know. Bi girl's wet dream, no? ;)

[lirulien.livejournal.com]

OMG!!!LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!*ROTFLMHO*

Because of Almost Perfect,I'm convinced that BBC are now headed by a bunch of slash fangirls and fanboys.

I really like Almost Perfect, in the sense that it IS a freaking fanfic. It figures that Ianto would turn into a gorgeous woman! *snicker* Also, Janto moments!!! Jack trying to talk his feelings and "I never give you a key" "And I don't need it but it would be nice of you to offer"? A fangirl can die happy!

Although I did think Ianto wouldn't wear Lisa's clothes. It's probable but just don't feel possible. I reckon he would wear his suit even when he's a she.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Yes, Ianto wearing Lisa's clothes made me feel ill. Because that means he's still got a closet full of his dead girlfriend's clothes. Which is wrong. Also, I was a bit insulted that woman = high heels. *looks at trainers* I can see him dressing like Lisa did at work -- which, to me, means power suits (she was HR).

Also, Julie Gardner is such a fangirl. She didn't even try to hide it at Comic Con.

[keeperofdestiny.livejournal.com]

Womanly wiles and manipulative Ryo are For The Win :D

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

Ryo is often FTW. ^__^

[cjharknessgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh I liked this so much more than Almost Perfect, parts of that book were just creepy and wrong like Ianto wearing Lisa's clothes. This however was brilliant.

And I loved Ryo taking Ianto shopping, that made me giggle.

[gracie-musica.livejournal.com]

That part made me cringe. Because it's not only Ianto's dead girlfriend's clothes, it's his long-dead girlfriend's clothes. Just ew. Although the mini skirts and heels jokes were pretty amusing.