Word Count: 26,201 of 50,000
Nov. 20th, 2005 08:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gracie_musicaANNOUNCER: Tuesday, November 22, 2005. A Daily Show special report.
[Daily Show Theme Song, Audience Applause]
STEWART: Hello! And welcome to the Daily Show. I, of course, am Jon Stewart. Tonight, we will conclude our multi-part special “Abusing the Bard”. Tonight’s Shakespeare play we shall be focusing on will be The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. And here’s a hint for those of you who actually haven’t read the play: [in a whisper] Everybody dies.
[Disappointed sounds from the audience]
STEWART: It’s a frickin’ TRAGEDY, people! [fiddles with his tie] So, Hamlet. Considered by some to be one of the best plays written in the English language to date, Hamlet has also been translated into countless languages, including the science fictional language of Klingon.
[laughter]
STEWART: Yes, Klingon. Here, I have proof.
[cut to clip of Star Trek, and a Klingon saying “Shakespeare is best read in its original Klingon” while others stare at him in shock]
[laughter]
STEWART: And to Mark Okrand, the publisher of the Klingon Hamlet, I have this to say. [points his pen at the camera] Were you that bored?
[laughter]
STEWART: Really? [pause] Of course, every great piece of literature is not without its critics. In the opening line of his 1920 criticism, Hamlet and His Problems, T.S. Eliot said:
[cut to screen scrolling the words as Stewart says them]
Few critics have even admitted that Hamlet the play is the primary problem, and Hamlet the character only secondary.
[Mixed laughter and disappointed sounds from the audience]
STEWART: Replied Shakespeare, “Oh yeah? Well The Wasteland SUCKED! You call that poetry?” And then Elliot got all, “Oh no you didn’!” And Shakespeare was like, “Bring it, bitch!”
[laughter]
STEWART: And it just got really nasty from there. [laughs]
[Begin playing clips of multiple Hamlet movies]
STEWART: Despite its criticism, however, the play has lasted since its first run in the famous Globe Theater in London, being adapted into over one hundred movies around the world and inspiring hundreds more. [pause] Such as this clip of Kenneth Bragnagh doing his best Superman imitation.
[Camera to STEWART]
STEWART: Kenny-boy away!
[Laughter]
STEWART: We'll be right back.
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Commercial break]
[Bump for the show]
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Applause]
STEWART: Welcome back to the show. Here at the Daily Show, it's my job to report on the bad news; but for the good news, we turn to Steven Colbert for This Week in God.
[Applause, cheers]
[This Week In God Theme Song]
COLBERT: Hello and welcome to This Week in God! You might notice the absence of our God Machine this week--that's because today's This Week in God is just about Hamlet. Some of you may be asking yourselves, just what does God have to do with the play? The answer, of course, is HE DOESN’T.
[Laughter]
COLBERT: Although lots of people in the play make references to God, the Big Man Himself doesn’t seem to be making any appearances any time in this play. In fact, when we put in calls to Jesus and Buddha as well, their secretaries said they were ‘out for lunch’ and would return our calls.
[Laughter]
COLBERT: The only thing paranormal in the entire play is the ghost of the recently deceased King Hamlet, which creates a similar affect of the Greek and Roman Furies in the state of Denmark. For those of you who do not know, the Greek Furies were called the Erinyes, and were said to be born from the blood of the sky god Uranus when his son Cronus, the king of the Titans, castrated him. They were terrifying women named Alecto,—Unceasing—Megara—Grudging—and Tisiphone—Avenging Murder. In the Roman tradition, the Furies had the effect of driving their victims insane.
So it seems like the Old School’s got Hamlet’s back; which explains the ending. Jon?
STEWART: In a good way or a bad way?
COLBERT: Good for us, bad for Hamlet.
STEWART: [Chuckles] Thank you, Steve. We’ll be right back.
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Commercial break]
[Bump for the show]
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Applause]
STEWART: Welcome back to the show. When we—everyone here at the Daily Show—were discussing whom we should interview for this show, a lot of names came up: everything ranging from actors to historians to literary scholars. [scoffs] We chose none of them.
[Laughter]
STEWART: I mean, hey… we’re the Daily Show. It’s not going to be that good.
[More laughter]
STEWART: Instead, we’re going to live to the Globe Theater where Ol’ Billy Shakespeare himself is standing by! Mr. Shakespeare, can you hear me?
[Cut to STEVEN CARRELL dressed poorly as WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, standing in front of a green screen projecting the Globe]
SHAKESPEARE: [In a bad English accent] Yes Jon, I hear you. [dramatically] Out, out brief candle!
STEWART: … Wrong play.
SHAKESPEARE: Huh?
STEWART: That’s from… The Scottish play.
SHAKESPEARE: The what play?
STEWART: It doesn’t matter, we’re covering Hamlet.
SHAKESPEARE: What’s The Scottish Play? I didn’t write that one.
STEWART: [Sighs] I can’t say it, it’s cursed.
SHAKSPEARE: Oh, you mean Macbeth?
STEWART: Shh! It’s cursed!
SHAKESPEARE: [Scoffs] Oh please. That’s silly superstition. Anyway… “Oh Romeo, Romeo”?
STEWART: Romeo and Juliet.
SHAKESPEARE: [Pause, deep in thought] “To be or not to be”?
STEWART: That’s the one.
SHAKESPERE: Great. [Clears throat] To be or not to be! That is the—
STEWART: Yes, yes, we get it. So, Mr. Shakespeare, you have been considered one of the greatest English playwrights to have lived. What do you think about this?
SHAKESPEARE: [Rolls his eyes] Please. This was just a meal ticket. What I really liked were my sonnets, which aren’t nearly as popular.
STEWART: So… Hamlet. Where’d you get the inspiration for this plot?
SHAKESPEARE: Well, it originally was supposed to be a comedy, but sometimes these things just run away from me. For example, Othello? That was supposed to be a comedy too, but then Iago cropped up and started killing off people and soliloquizing. The same principle applies to Hamlet—sometimes you just need to see stupid people killing each other off.
[Laughter]
STEWART: [Trying to keep from laughing] If I may ask, which character’s your favorite?
SHAKESPEARE: I actually like Opheila. All she wants is some sex, and what does she get? A boyfriend out for revenge. I mean, the man can’t even spare time to do her.
[Laughter]
SHAKESPEARE: He spares time to do his kin, though.
[Laughter]
STEWART: So you’re saying that you did intend for there to be an incest element between Hamlet and Queen Gertrude?
SHAKESPEARE: Between Hamlet and Queen Gertrude? No! Between Hamlet and his uncle!
[Laughter]
STEWART: [Blank stare]
SHAKESPEARE: [Puts a hand to his ear as if trying to listen to an earpiece] Jon? Are you there? Hello? Jo-- [Is cut off when a stage light falls on top of his head, knocking him out].
[Laughter, applause]
STEWART: [Blinks, shuffles his notes] Um… William Shakespeare, everyone. We’ll, uh, be right back.
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Commercial break]
[Bump for the show]
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Applause]
STEWART: That’s our show for today! Thank you for watching. Tomorrow, our guest will be the Senator John McCain. And now here it is, your Moment of Zen.
[cut to clip of Star Trek, and a Klingon saying “Shakespeare is best read in its original Klingon” while others stare at him in shock]
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[End Credits]
---
Title: Alternate Universes
Date Written: 11/20/05
Rating: PG
Word Count: 100
Fandoms: Tokyo Babylon, X/1999
Characters/Pairings: Subaru/Seishiro, Hokuto
Warnings: None
Spoilers: For both X/1999 and Tokyo Babylon
Disclaimer: Not mine
Notes: The Alternate Universe theory states that for every action someone takes in one world, the opposite occurs in another universe. This is my idea of what could have occurred in three different universes.
In the first universe, a bet is made. Years pass, the two meet again, and Subaru wins. He and Seishiro live to be old and gray. The Seven Dragons do not include the Sakurazukamori, and the line dies forever with Seishiro.
In the second universe, a bet is made. Years pass, the two meet again, and Seishiro wins. Hokuto dies, Subaru becomes the Sakurazukamori and the 13th head of the Sumeragi clan, and Seishiro's dying confession haunts him for the rest of his life.
In the third universe, two children are fed to the sakura tree.
[Daily Show Theme Song, Audience Applause]
STEWART: Hello! And welcome to the Daily Show. I, of course, am Jon Stewart. Tonight, we will conclude our multi-part special “Abusing the Bard”. Tonight’s Shakespeare play we shall be focusing on will be The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. And here’s a hint for those of you who actually haven’t read the play: [in a whisper] Everybody dies.
[Disappointed sounds from the audience]
STEWART: It’s a frickin’ TRAGEDY, people! [fiddles with his tie] So, Hamlet. Considered by some to be one of the best plays written in the English language to date, Hamlet has also been translated into countless languages, including the science fictional language of Klingon.
[laughter]
STEWART: Yes, Klingon. Here, I have proof.
[cut to clip of Star Trek, and a Klingon saying “Shakespeare is best read in its original Klingon” while others stare at him in shock]
[laughter]
STEWART: And to Mark Okrand, the publisher of the Klingon Hamlet, I have this to say. [points his pen at the camera] Were you that bored?
[laughter]
STEWART: Really? [pause] Of course, every great piece of literature is not without its critics. In the opening line of his 1920 criticism, Hamlet and His Problems, T.S. Eliot said:
[cut to screen scrolling the words as Stewart says them]
Few critics have even admitted that Hamlet the play is the primary problem, and Hamlet the character only secondary.
[Mixed laughter and disappointed sounds from the audience]
STEWART: Replied Shakespeare, “Oh yeah? Well The Wasteland SUCKED! You call that poetry?” And then Elliot got all, “Oh no you didn’!” And Shakespeare was like, “Bring it, bitch!”
[laughter]
STEWART: And it just got really nasty from there. [laughs]
[Begin playing clips of multiple Hamlet movies]
STEWART: Despite its criticism, however, the play has lasted since its first run in the famous Globe Theater in London, being adapted into over one hundred movies around the world and inspiring hundreds more. [pause] Such as this clip of Kenneth Bragnagh doing his best Superman imitation.
[Camera to STEWART]
STEWART: Kenny-boy away!
[Laughter]
STEWART: We'll be right back.
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Commercial break]
[Bump for the show]
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Applause]
STEWART: Welcome back to the show. Here at the Daily Show, it's my job to report on the bad news; but for the good news, we turn to Steven Colbert for This Week in God.
[Applause, cheers]
[This Week In God Theme Song]
COLBERT: Hello and welcome to This Week in God! You might notice the absence of our God Machine this week--that's because today's This Week in God is just about Hamlet. Some of you may be asking yourselves, just what does God have to do with the play? The answer, of course, is HE DOESN’T.
[Laughter]
COLBERT: Although lots of people in the play make references to God, the Big Man Himself doesn’t seem to be making any appearances any time in this play. In fact, when we put in calls to Jesus and Buddha as well, their secretaries said they were ‘out for lunch’ and would return our calls.
[Laughter]
COLBERT: The only thing paranormal in the entire play is the ghost of the recently deceased King Hamlet, which creates a similar affect of the Greek and Roman Furies in the state of Denmark. For those of you who do not know, the Greek Furies were called the Erinyes, and were said to be born from the blood of the sky god Uranus when his son Cronus, the king of the Titans, castrated him. They were terrifying women named Alecto,—Unceasing—Megara—Grudging—and Tisiphone—Avenging Murder. In the Roman tradition, the Furies had the effect of driving their victims insane.
So it seems like the Old School’s got Hamlet’s back; which explains the ending. Jon?
STEWART: In a good way or a bad way?
COLBERT: Good for us, bad for Hamlet.
STEWART: [Chuckles] Thank you, Steve. We’ll be right back.
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Commercial break]
[Bump for the show]
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Applause]
STEWART: Welcome back to the show. When we—everyone here at the Daily Show—were discussing whom we should interview for this show, a lot of names came up: everything ranging from actors to historians to literary scholars. [scoffs] We chose none of them.
[Laughter]
STEWART: I mean, hey… we’re the Daily Show. It’s not going to be that good.
[More laughter]
STEWART: Instead, we’re going to live to the Globe Theater where Ol’ Billy Shakespeare himself is standing by! Mr. Shakespeare, can you hear me?
[Cut to STEVEN CARRELL dressed poorly as WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, standing in front of a green screen projecting the Globe]
SHAKESPEARE: [In a bad English accent] Yes Jon, I hear you. [dramatically] Out, out brief candle!
STEWART: … Wrong play.
SHAKESPEARE: Huh?
STEWART: That’s from… The Scottish play.
SHAKESPEARE: The what play?
STEWART: It doesn’t matter, we’re covering Hamlet.
SHAKESPEARE: What’s The Scottish Play? I didn’t write that one.
STEWART: [Sighs] I can’t say it, it’s cursed.
SHAKSPEARE: Oh, you mean Macbeth?
STEWART: Shh! It’s cursed!
SHAKESPEARE: [Scoffs] Oh please. That’s silly superstition. Anyway… “Oh Romeo, Romeo”?
STEWART: Romeo and Juliet.
SHAKESPEARE: [Pause, deep in thought] “To be or not to be”?
STEWART: That’s the one.
SHAKESPERE: Great. [Clears throat] To be or not to be! That is the—
STEWART: Yes, yes, we get it. So, Mr. Shakespeare, you have been considered one of the greatest English playwrights to have lived. What do you think about this?
SHAKESPEARE: [Rolls his eyes] Please. This was just a meal ticket. What I really liked were my sonnets, which aren’t nearly as popular.
STEWART: So… Hamlet. Where’d you get the inspiration for this plot?
SHAKESPEARE: Well, it originally was supposed to be a comedy, but sometimes these things just run away from me. For example, Othello? That was supposed to be a comedy too, but then Iago cropped up and started killing off people and soliloquizing. The same principle applies to Hamlet—sometimes you just need to see stupid people killing each other off.
[Laughter]
STEWART: [Trying to keep from laughing] If I may ask, which character’s your favorite?
SHAKESPEARE: I actually like Opheila. All she wants is some sex, and what does she get? A boyfriend out for revenge. I mean, the man can’t even spare time to do her.
[Laughter]
SHAKESPEARE: He spares time to do his kin, though.
[Laughter]
STEWART: So you’re saying that you did intend for there to be an incest element between Hamlet and Queen Gertrude?
SHAKESPEARE: Between Hamlet and Queen Gertrude? No! Between Hamlet and his uncle!
[Laughter]
STEWART: [Blank stare]
SHAKESPEARE: [Puts a hand to his ear as if trying to listen to an earpiece] Jon? Are you there? Hello? Jo-- [Is cut off when a stage light falls on top of his head, knocking him out].
[Laughter, applause]
STEWART: [Blinks, shuffles his notes] Um… William Shakespeare, everyone. We’ll, uh, be right back.
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Commercial break]
[Bump for the show]
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[Applause]
STEWART: That’s our show for today! Thank you for watching. Tomorrow, our guest will be the Senator John McCain. And now here it is, your Moment of Zen.
[cut to clip of Star Trek, and a Klingon saying “Shakespeare is best read in its original Klingon” while others stare at him in shock]
[Daily Show Theme Song]
[End Credits]
---
Title: Alternate Universes
Date Written: 11/20/05
Rating: PG
Word Count: 100
Fandoms: Tokyo Babylon, X/1999
Characters/Pairings: Subaru/Seishiro, Hokuto
Warnings: None
Spoilers: For both X/1999 and Tokyo Babylon
Disclaimer: Not mine
Notes: The Alternate Universe theory states that for every action someone takes in one world, the opposite occurs in another universe. This is my idea of what could have occurred in three different universes.
In the first universe, a bet is made. Years pass, the two meet again, and Subaru wins. He and Seishiro live to be old and gray. The Seven Dragons do not include the Sakurazukamori, and the line dies forever with Seishiro.
In the second universe, a bet is made. Years pass, the two meet again, and Seishiro wins. Hokuto dies, Subaru becomes the Sakurazukamori and the 13th head of the Sumeragi clan, and Seishiro's dying confession haunts him for the rest of his life.
In the third universe, two children are fed to the sakura tree.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Wow...
Date: 2005-11-24 04:58 am (UTC)Re: Wow...
Date: 2005-11-24 05:29 am (UTC)